Blog
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Navigating the Journey of a Total Thyroidectomy on the background of Chronic Illness:
A Personal Account of Overcoming Anxiety and PTSD
Today marked another important step in my journey towards a Total Thyroidectomy—a big surgery I’m preparing for after ongoing health challenges due to Graves disease and Thyroid eye disease. My appointment today was one of many I have during the preop period. I have a previous blog post regarding the preop process for me -> 23 July 2024
Today my appointment was with my Endocrinologist, a specialist whose expertise (one of ) is thyroid disease/conditions. However, the setting of the appointment—a hospital—brings with it a heavy emotional weight due to my experiences with medical PTSD.
As I stepped into the hospital today, I initially felt semi-composed and ready to give it a go.
A Personal Account of Overcoming Anxiety and PTSD
Today marked another important step in my journey towards a Total Thyroidectomy—a big surgery I’m preparing for after ongoing health challenges due to Graves disease and Thyroid eye disease. My appointment today was one of many I have during the preop period. I have a previous blog post regarding the preop process for me -> 23 July 2024
Today my appointment was with my Endocrinologist, a specialist whose expertise (one of ) is thyroid disease/conditions. However, the setting of the appointment—a hospital—brings with it a heavy emotional weight due to my experiences with medical PTSD.
As I stepped into the hospital today, I initially felt semi-composed and ready to give it a go.
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This hope quickly shifted into a wave of panic. The moment I crossed the threshold past the main reception, I was engulfed by a sense of foreboding, and the familiar nausea began to wash over me. The hospital, despite it’s necessity, triggered memories that left me shaken.
Once I found a quiet spot to sit, I turned on my iPod, seeking solace in music. This technique usually helps anchor my thoughts and calm my nerves. Yet, as time passed, the anxiety climbed again, and I knew it was time to seek out the clinic—this was my first visit to this particular one having been moved from the rapid access/urgent clinic to the surgery/post surgery Endocrine clinic.
With the kind assistance of a warm-hearted volunteer, I was able to locate the clinic and check in. In the waiting room, I felt grateful to see the staff all wearing masks—an added layer of security in a space where anxiety can already be heightened. The room itself was spacious, allowing me to sit far from the persistent cough of a fellow patient across the way.
One aspect that particularly lifted my spirits was the sight of a large chair meant for patients of all sizes. Healthcare spaces often neglect this simple yet crucial detail. Too often, larger patients are forced to either squeeze into uncomfortable seating or stand awkwardly. Although I did not use it today, seeing that chair, I was reminded of the importance of inclusion and accessibility in healthcare—small gestures that can make a significant difference in someone’s experience.
Once I found a quiet spot to sit, I turned on my iPod, seeking solace in music. This technique usually helps anchor my thoughts and calm my nerves. Yet, as time passed, the anxiety climbed again, and I knew it was time to seek out the clinic—this was my first visit to this particular one having been moved from the rapid access/urgent clinic to the surgery/post surgery Endocrine clinic.
With the kind assistance of a warm-hearted volunteer, I was able to locate the clinic and check in. In the waiting room, I felt grateful to see the staff all wearing masks—an added layer of security in a space where anxiety can already be heightened. The room itself was spacious, allowing me to sit far from the persistent cough of a fellow patient across the way.
One aspect that particularly lifted my spirits was the sight of a large chair meant for patients of all sizes. Healthcare spaces often neglect this simple yet crucial detail. Too often, larger patients are forced to either squeeze into uncomfortable seating or stand awkwardly. Although I did not use it today, seeing that chair, I was reminded of the importance of inclusion and accessibility in healthcare—small gestures that can make a significant difference in someone’s experience.
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I digress.. back to my appointment….. I underestimated the extent of my anxiety. Although I felt somewhat steady, with only slightly trembling hands and my nausea settling, my composure slipped away when the nurse called me for obs.
As she took my height and weight (which showed a loss—good news in this journey!), the fear crept back in.
Her initial readings of blood pressure and heart rate were concerning prompting her to try manual readings as well (also very high). I was not surprised as I could feel it. The nurse was definitely surprised. Recognizing my unease, she took a moment to reassure me, an act I genuinely appreciated as I explained the anxiety around anything medical at present.
As she took my height and weight (which showed a loss—good news in this journey!), the fear crept back in.
Her initial readings of blood pressure and heart rate were concerning prompting her to try manual readings as well (also very high). I was not surprised as I could feel it. The nurse was definitely surprised. Recognizing my unease, she took a moment to reassure me, an act I genuinely appreciated as I explained the anxiety around anything medical at present.
Whoops
After our conversation, I returned to the waiting area, relieved to regain a semblance of composure.
Shortly after, I was ushered into the consultation room to meet with the endocrinologist. She quickly picked up on my trembling hands and rapid speech—telltale signs of my anxiety. We had an open dialogue about my PTSD and its impact on my preparation for the surgery. Given my multiple health conditions and the need for extra care, I had been advised to expect a hospital stay of four days prior to surgery for medication adjustments.
Feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of being admitted for such an extended period whilst living with hospital/medically induced PTSD, I expressed my concerns. To my great relief, the specialist listened empathically and worked with me to devise a plan. She suggested that I could take my pre-operative medications at home, only needing to enter the hospital a day before surgery instead of four. She is going to chat with the team (this is a team decision) but hopefully they will all be happy with this new plan and allow it (fingers crossed!).
As I listened to her coming up with these ideas .. In that moment, I felt a flicker of hope that my voice—and the concerns I had expressed—would lead to a more manageable experience. My chest felt lighter and I found myself thinking.. maybe I CAN do this.
While I know the road ahead will still be challenging—particularly with the possibility of an ICU stay post-surgery—I am grateful for her willingness to advocate on my behalf and her willingness to listen.
With surgery expected to occur before the end of September, I find myself awaiting a phone call with a surgery date and a plan. It’s a mixture of anticipation and anxiety, interspersed with cautious optimism.
My thyroid is very angry and it is now affecting my eyes. I have been treated for one thyroid storm already this year and although my total thyroidectomy will be hard and a separate journey in it’s own right, I do need to have it removed and sooner rather than later.
To anyone else navigating their own health journey, I want to send a message of solidarity.
It’s not easy, but you will get through whatever challenges lie ahead.
Don’t hesitate to voice what makes your experience difficult or anxiety-inducing. Advocate for yourself with the healthcare providers who are there to help.
Opening up about my fears regarding my admission was daunting, yet this time, once I did, I was met with understanding and support. I encourage you to do the same—using your voice can ease your burdens in unexpected ways.
As I continue on this path, I hold on to the hope that the steps I’m taking now will lead to a more manageable experience.
For each of us walking this road, may we find our strength together.
x Tab
Shortly after, I was ushered into the consultation room to meet with the endocrinologist. She quickly picked up on my trembling hands and rapid speech—telltale signs of my anxiety. We had an open dialogue about my PTSD and its impact on my preparation for the surgery. Given my multiple health conditions and the need for extra care, I had been advised to expect a hospital stay of four days prior to surgery for medication adjustments.
Feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of being admitted for such an extended period whilst living with hospital/medically induced PTSD, I expressed my concerns. To my great relief, the specialist listened empathically and worked with me to devise a plan. She suggested that I could take my pre-operative medications at home, only needing to enter the hospital a day before surgery instead of four. She is going to chat with the team (this is a team decision) but hopefully they will all be happy with this new plan and allow it (fingers crossed!).
As I listened to her coming up with these ideas .. In that moment, I felt a flicker of hope that my voice—and the concerns I had expressed—would lead to a more manageable experience. My chest felt lighter and I found myself thinking.. maybe I CAN do this.
While I know the road ahead will still be challenging—particularly with the possibility of an ICU stay post-surgery—I am grateful for her willingness to advocate on my behalf and her willingness to listen.
With surgery expected to occur before the end of September, I find myself awaiting a phone call with a surgery date and a plan. It’s a mixture of anticipation and anxiety, interspersed with cautious optimism.
My thyroid is very angry and it is now affecting my eyes. I have been treated for one thyroid storm already this year and although my total thyroidectomy will be hard and a separate journey in it’s own right, I do need to have it removed and sooner rather than later.
To anyone else navigating their own health journey, I want to send a message of solidarity.
It’s not easy, but you will get through whatever challenges lie ahead.
Don’t hesitate to voice what makes your experience difficult or anxiety-inducing. Advocate for yourself with the healthcare providers who are there to help.
Opening up about my fears regarding my admission was daunting, yet this time, once I did, I was met with understanding and support. I encourage you to do the same—using your voice can ease your burdens in unexpected ways.
As I continue on this path, I hold on to the hope that the steps I’m taking now will lead to a more manageable experience.
For each of us walking this road, may we find our strength together.
x Tab
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copied or used without the express and written permission of Tabitha J Page.
Sharing pages straight from the website is welcomed however/please give credit if sharing and use the direct browser link.
